Oscar Wilde's left butt cheek

I keep getting over my ridiculous crush on the middle-aged man at work who collects Lego and then he comes into the office and buys us cake and talks about Terry Pratchett and says ‘this is all meta and shit’ and says ‘it’s mutual’ when I tell him I hate him and then I remember that I have a ridiculous crush

posted 7 hours ago with 6 notes

Thanks, Past Me. You’ve turned my memos into a boneyard of half-formed ideas and fractured little things that never came to anything at all.

posted 12 hours ago with 15 notes

Anonymous asked: "brainstorm what?"

Specifically, the relative merits of a linear versus a non-linear narrative structure.

I have this story idea, right, and it’s got quite a complicated plot as it is, but the problem is that when I plot it with a typical linear narrative (ie A->B->C->D->E), the resolution at the end seems forced and anticlimactic. The characters’ motivations are more clear, and the plot is wrapped up fairly neatly, but it’s not wrapped up particularly satisfyingly, and I’m unwilling, after much deliberation, to amend the plot point itself as it’s the only logical step for the narrative to take.

However, when I plot around a non-linear narrative (the structure I’m considering involves two parallel narratives; the past and the present, interwoven through different chapters), I have to add a further plot point to the ‘present’ narrative, or the two narratives seem unbalanced and the dramatic tension isn’t ongoing throughout, and the general weight of the narrative sways towards the one narrative strand in a rather undesirable fashion. 

The non-linear narrative gives a much better plot resolution, and also adds a further dimension to one of the main character’s motivations, but it does have the effect of adding a potential further 10,000 or so words, which isn’t ideal for reasons relating to the average attention span of both the reader and the author.

My options are thus as follows:

  1. Compromise the climax of the narrative but maintain a satisfying plot
  2. Compromise the simplicity of the narrative but maintain dramatic tension
  3. Find a different plot point at which to sever the ‘past’ and the ‘present’, and thus weigh the two narrative strands more equally without the need to add further plot points to an already plot-heavy narrative

It’s a dilemma and a half. I might need to sit down with a trough of tea.

posted 1 day ago with 7 notes

I think I’m gonna do it

I think I’m going to sign up for the screenwriting course

I think I’m going to be terrified and overwhelmed and outshone and uncomfortable and I think it might be great

also who wants to help me brainstorm a thing

posted 1 day ago with 27 notes

But do I sign up for a university accredited 10 week screenwriting course in September, at a (tax deductible) cost of £147

Do I do it

I do, don’t I

I can smell fried chicken

That’s not actually relevant to the decision process, but I thought you should know

posted 2 days ago with 16 notes
#fml

Reading a John Green book is like giving someone a really vigorous and time-consuming handjob, and when they’ve finally come, instead of returning the favour, they just immediately get another erection and start wanking themselves off again.

posted 3 days ago with 51 notes

Today I went to get a cup of tea with my dad and I told him about how I’m stuck in a rut with my life and my job and my failure to write anything and we talked for literally 2 hours and the consensus was that I need to stop being terrified of not being good enough and just fucking write something and take control of my damn life

I came home and was like YEAH I’M GONNA WRITE A THING

and I didn’t

because I’m still terrified of fucking up

I’m still terrified of not being good enough

and I miss uni, where I got the top mark in my dissertation, because then I had other people to measure my success and ability against. Now, the only measurement of my success and my ability is myself, and I just don’t have the faith in my work that I once did. Every time I sit down to write, I bash out a few lines and I hate it. The idea germinates and flowers, but the genesis is entirely internal. It never grows anywhere, and I hate it. I hate it.

Read More

posted 4 days ago with 10 notes

I just gave my dad my university creative writing dissertation to read

My university dissertation was a 6,000 word short story about the homosexual love affair between two survivors of the Holocaust, sentenced under Paragraph 175, and the subsequent reveal of a rape which led to a murder and eventually culminates in the protagonist’s rejection of his lover which leads to his lover’s suicide 

I’m not convinced that my dad is going to like reading my university dissertation

posted 4 days ago with 26 notes

Ommgmmgmg look at the skirt my sister made me, it is the best skirt that ever there was and it has overlocked seams and everything

I was so excited that the camera kept moving and I had to stand funny to relocate my centre of gravity so that the picture wasn’t blurred

I have strong feelings about new clothes, could you tell

Ommgmmgmg look at the skirt my sister made me, it is the best skirt that ever there was and it has overlocked seams and everything

I was so excited that the camera kept moving and I had to stand funny to relocate my centre of gravity so that the picture wasn’t blurred

I have strong feelings about new clothes, could you tell

posted 4 days ago with 24 notes

I just got pooed on by a bird. Who do I write to about this because honestly someone must pay

posted 5 days ago with 11 notes

baebees:

We’re in the village with the longest name in europe

Here’s a ~fact~ for you - this village used to be named ‘Llanfair Pwllgwyngyll, and for all intents and purposes, this is still its name. No-one refers to it as Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, presumably because no-one is willing to spend 4 years of their life just telling people where they live. 
HOWEVER, in the 1860s, some dude was like ‘oh hang on, no-one ever comes to our town, and I’m 98% sure it’s not because all that’s here is a train station and some hills. Clearly, the name is the issue. We must rectify this’. He probably said this in Welsh, but you get my drift. Anyway, they then came up with the new name for the town; an intentionally ridiculous name, so that the town would be home to the train station with the longest name in Britain. Lofty goals, these locals. Lofty as shit.
Basically, it’s sort of a fake name - although obviously towns can change names, in this case, it was a name intentionally picked to attract tourists. And hey, it worked - there’s still absolutely fuck-all in this town (although now I can see that there is apparently a garage here), but at least there are tourists having their pictures taken with sweet fuck-all.

baebees:

We’re in the village with the longest name in europe

Here’s a ~fact~ for you - this village used to be named ‘Llanfair Pwllgwyngyll, and for all intents and purposes, this is still its name. No-one refers to it as Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, presumably because no-one is willing to spend 4 years of their life just telling people where they live. 

HOWEVER, in the 1860s, some dude was like ‘oh hang on, no-one ever comes to our town, and I’m 98% sure it’s not because all that’s here is a train station and some hills. Clearly, the name is the issue. We must rectify this’. He probably said this in Welsh, but you get my drift. Anyway, they then came up with the new name for the town; an intentionally ridiculous name, so that the town would be home to the train station with the longest name in Britain. Lofty goals, these locals. Lofty as shit.

Basically, it’s sort of a fake name - although obviously towns can change names, in this case, it was a name intentionally picked to attract tourists. And hey, it worked - there’s still absolutely fuck-all in this town (although now I can see that there is apparently a garage here), but at least there are tourists having their pictures taken with sweet fuck-all.

posted 5 days ago via franerys · © baebees with 25,523 notes

I was taking my usual optimistic walk through the graveyard when I stumbled across a really unusual tombstone that genuinely made me smile. 
The sunlight has rendered it a bit unreadable, but the inscription reads ‘Hilda Mary, the much beloved wife and chum of William Robert Mitchem’. 
In a graveyard full of ‘thy will be done’, ‘gone to rest with Jesus’ and ‘his end was peace’, it’s so heartening to see a genuine expression of love. I really hope that these two chums had the happiest years together. Somehow, I think they did. 

I was taking my usual optimistic walk through the graveyard when I stumbled across a really unusual tombstone that genuinely made me smile.

The sunlight has rendered it a bit unreadable, but the inscription reads ‘Hilda Mary, the much beloved wife and chum of William Robert Mitchem’. 

In a graveyard full of ‘thy will be done’, ‘gone to rest with Jesus’ and ‘his end was peace’, it’s so heartening to see a genuine expression of love. I really hope that these two chums had the happiest years together. Somehow, I think they did. 

posted 6 days ago with 15 notes