The world will always want you. It always will.

I just went to Specsavers with my sister and I fell in love with the very attractive optician because he had a waistcoat and perfect perfect hair and he kept looking at me and smiling and trying to catch my eye (but not literally because he was an optician not an eye collector)

In a parallel universe we are married but in this one I am a wuss and I am perpetually alone and fearful both of loneliness and companionship

And now ice cream

posted 7 hours ago with 7 notes
#fml

I made my hair a bit red and I have nothing to add to this
Today I met a friend in town and we had McDonald’s for lunch and then I came home and my dad said he wanted to treat me to dinner at McDonald’s and did I come clean and say ‘sorry dad, I have already eaten above and beyond the optimal amount of McDonald’s for one day’? Did I heck. 
I have got addicted to listening to the Arctic Monkeys and it makes me feel like I should be gargling salt and gravel and smoking tea-leaves and drinking 7-Up out of the litre bottles and breaking hearts and fingers and performing petty acts of mindless vandalism, but so far I have not done any of these things
I would like you all to know that you have beautiful eyes and soft, soft skin

I made my hair a bit red and I have nothing to add to this

Today I met a friend in town and we had McDonald’s for lunch and then I came home and my dad said he wanted to treat me to dinner at McDonald’s and did I come clean and say ‘sorry dad, I have already eaten above and beyond the optimal amount of McDonald’s for one day’? Did I heck. 

I have got addicted to listening to the Arctic Monkeys and it makes me feel like I should be gargling salt and gravel and smoking tea-leaves and drinking 7-Up out of the litre bottles and breaking hearts and fingers and performing petty acts of mindless vandalism, but so far I have not done any of these things

I would like you all to know that you have beautiful eyes and soft, soft skin

posted 1 day ago with 12 notes
#fml

Last week I saw a man wearing a plastic fedora

tell me how I’m supposed to process that

how am I supposed to carry on with my life like nothing has changed

posted 1 day ago with 34 notes
#fml

Here is a totally unedited (and yes I know it shows) first draft of a section of that poem wot I said I was working on from the POV of someone who calls themselves The Genius who thinks they’re too brilliant to leave the world on anyone else’s terms but their own and yes I know there is no punctuation or anything and this is because it is an experiment in the stream-of-consciousness form (more akin to Joyce’s weird use of it than Woolf’s, although I am not trying to emulate either) but it is also because the character who is narrating it is a total fucking headcase who has lost all grip on reality, so

posted 2 days ago with 17 notes

Apologies for atrosh picture but I straightened my hair and LOOK HOW LONG IT IS I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY FOR HELPING ME STICK UP TWO MIDDLE FINGERS TO TRICHOTILLOMANIA 

Also I had a really really good day and wrote some very pretentious stream of consciousness poetry from the POV of a character called The Genius and it’s about how they are going to kill themselves because they think they are too brilliant to die on anyone else’s terms but theirs and ngl I’m actually really pleased with it so far

So on that cheery note I hope you all sleep tight and you have blankets of just the optimum thickness

Apologies for atrosh picture but I straightened my hair and LOOK HOW LONG IT IS I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY FOR HELPING ME STICK UP TWO MIDDLE FINGERS TO TRICHOTILLOMANIA

Also I had a really really good day and wrote some very pretentious stream of consciousness poetry from the POV of a character called The Genius and it’s about how they are going to kill themselves because they think they are too brilliant to die on anyone else’s terms but theirs and ngl I’m actually really pleased with it so far

So on that cheery note I hope you all sleep tight and you have blankets of just the optimum thickness

posted 2 days ago with 20 notes

Pretty decent afternoon off so far, although I did get lost in a garden, so it’s swings and roundabouts, really. Also I have no money for ice cream or tea so I feel cheated of the full experience.

posted 3 days ago with 6 notes

I seem to have found myself with the afternoon off work and no one to spend it with
So unless any of my Cardiff followers are free and fancy a mosey to the seaside, I think I will take a train to Penarth by myself and have a little walk along the pier in the sun and pretend I’m doing research for my book

posted 3 days ago with 6 notes

If ever you feel upset about your love life, just remember that the first time my paternal grandparents met, my grandma quoted Shakespeare at my grandad who had left school at 14 and he got so offended that he stormed out; on my maternal grandparents’ first date, my grandad took my grandma for a romantic stroll in a field and then made her pick up poo samples so he could study the fungal activity for his PhD; and the first time my parents met, my mum told my dad to ‘fuck off and get a haircut’ - and despite all this, I was born.

posted 3 days ago with 34 notes

I keep seeing stuff on Tumblr that’s making me really angry so I am going to be offline for a few days and my queue will keep you all company. Will respond to messages et al when my blood pressure returns to normal. For now, it’s chamomile tea, Shreddies and fanfiction.

posted 4 days ago with 7 notes

I am home alone and there is no food in the house and this means I have to go to the shop but this is not a thing that I want to do because effort and also acne 

also I watched Skyfall again last night and now I’m having Q feelings and this would probably translate into fanfiction but I’m too lazy to even do that, so

it comes to something when you can’t even achieve fanfiction any more

posted 4 days ago with 5 notes

From the first words we ever said to each other, I knew I’d carry you with me for a long time. You’ve been heavy since then, pressing down on my heart and lungs, a weight all across my chest, but I’ve carried you. I’ve carried you with me, even when I’ve buckled under the weight of all your burdens, and I’ve shared your worries when they were too heavy for you to carry alone. I think I’d be so light as to float away and get lost among the comets and other planets’ moons if I let you fall, but I won’t find out. I won’t.

posted 5 days ago with 5 notes

My mum’s best friend of 45 years just got married and her wedding cake had two little statues of her and her husband fishing on top and my mum commented on the picture saying ‘if a man can convince you that fishing is fun, then he’s got to be worth having! I was going to say he looked as happy as if he’d landed a huge trout, but although it was in keeping with the fishing theme it wasn’t very romantic!' and I just hope that I have friends like that in 45 years

posted 5 days ago with 10 notes